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Pink Headphones: Our Inner World (Featuring Beth Sullivan-Jawitz

unsplash-logoMay Lawrence

In today’s dreamers succeed podcast, we’re talking to Beth Sullivan Jawitz about what it takes to tap into your personal power. Beth shares success stories – her personal ones – as well as those of her clients as she walks us through the processes necessary to reset your mindset; to help you succeed and break away from those limiting beliefs that are always holding you back.

As an experienced NLP coach and practitioner, Beth is bringing change and hope with her heart-centered approach to transformation. So get ready – you’re in for a real treat.

Berta

Okay, so welcome to Dreamers Succeed podcast. We have a wonderful episode today with Beth Sullivan-Jawitz. I’m so happy to have her here. Hi Beth!

Beth

Hi! Thank you so much for having me.

Berta

I’m so excited! So for those of you who do not know Beth, Beth is a keynote speaker, a coach, and an NLP practitioner – among a million other things which we’re gonna hear about today. But I’m extremely excited because Beth is someone who brings so much heart and so much passion to what she does. And she’s all heart. She’s all heart and loves service and loves to be in service of others. So you all are in for a real treat.

So, Beth, let’s get started. By the way, that color looks so beautiful on you.

Beth

Oh, thank you.

Berta

For those of you who are seeing the video and have the benefit, there you go. So Beth, tell me a little bit… I’ve heard so much over the years about NLP. I know that it’s an amazing technique and you get great tools for being able to build rapport and things like that. But I don’t really know (know) what NLP is. Can you tell me just a little bit about that as we get started?

Beth

Absolutely. Well, first, let me tell you that I became so interested in NLP about five years ago when I went to see Tony Robbins. He was on stage and doing these different techniques that shifted people right before my eyes. And things that he shared shifted how I felt inside. And then he spoke of anchoring, which was one of the things that I carried out of there that I worked on myself.

 And I always wanted to do the training for NLP. It’s neuro-linguistic programming. And the neurology or the nervous system is really our mind and how we process all of our experiences through our five senses (which would be kinesthetic, visual, auditory, olfactory and gustatory).

And the linguistics or the language is both the verbal or non-verbal communication. And how we process that and encode and order it and then decide what it means. So that’s where we’re really applying our perception. So it’s very individualized and actually may not be reality at all but really our reality through our perception. And then the programming is the shift in taking that information through our communication with others and – most importantly – our communication with ourselves to create a program that gets us our specific desired outcomes in life. Very powerful!

Berta

I love it, I love it! And what I know about NLP – and I attended a workshop. I was blessed that Beth did a workshop yesterday at her new office… she has her new office in Davie. And in just a short little introductory workshop (she has one coming up in January we’ll talk a little bit about that later) but I walked out with some crazy tools that… it’s immediate. It’s not something you have to wait for. I mean, that’s something that you can (especially with the anchoring that you covered and the rapport) it’s right there.

Tell me a little bit about that immediacy… with so many other of the modalities take their time and you have to go session after session. But with NLP it seems like it’s – BOOM – it’s right here we’re gonna start making a shift right now.

Beth

Well it’s definitely a different approach and it utilizes the conscious and unconscious mind in working with the techniques and the different modalities. People can go to therapy and therapy can be extremely helpful. But often it’s looking in the past and recycling through different things that happened – usually things that are very painful for people.

In NLP our focus is usually moving towards what you want. What are we going to do to create that compelling future? What are we gonna do to look at this fear, this anxiety, this negative emotion, this phobia, this limiting belief, and get on the other side and get there quickly? Looking forward to where we’re going. Not really stuck in the past. It’s mind-blowing.

One thing that really got me into NLP or made it so important to me is – in recovery, I’ve been in recovery for 18 years – I went back to school to be a psychiatric nurse practitioner. And to help people with substance abuse issues. I’m passionate to the core of my heart. As many people know there’s an addiction crisis. There’s been so many people that were dying. And I’m working in the field with amazing medical people, amazing therapists, people really doing everything they possibly can. Including myself staying late at night thinking that – if I make one more phone call, if I talk to someone one more time – what kind of difference can I make? And I needed more. And something that can provide immediate results.

I mean, look at the addiction crisis. Look at the number of suicides in this country. I heard a statistic this morning that I believe the age-range was 16 – 24 the third leading cause of death is suicide. There’s so much going on in this world so there’s not a lot of time to waste. We really need to be able to shift people towards the life they want, the state they want to be in, and in a place where they can do for themselves but also give to others and bring it on to the next person to the next generation.

I mean you might want to look it up because before I came here I looked it up and could only find stats from 2015.

Berta

So where did your passion come from where you felt like you would benefit from more tools for your patients?

Beth

Having my eye on neurolinguistic programming, I decided to do that training and when I did that I also was certified in timeline therapy and it is very similar and part of NLP and it’s a little bit part of hypnosis which I’m also certified in. And that’s an extraordinary tool. To really work with people to eliminate negative emotions.

To work with anxiety and anxiety of future events. To work with phobias. I mean, there’re so many different areas that you can use that have someone go up on a timeline and go back and essentially how that works is (if someone has a fear when they were young and perhaps this fear even comes from being in the womb, past life, intergenerational…) every time there’s a fear after that, it just compounds like a string of pearls. The next fear comes, the next fear comes, the next fear comes. So this person may be thirty years old. Maybe they’re a substance abuser, maybe they’re not.

But there’s this big fear that they have. Maybe it’s in business – I do business coaching – and there’s this limiting belief. And they just can’t get over that hurdle no matter what they do. And that fear is that whole string. So like a long caterpillar of fear. They’re carrying this everywhere they go. So of course it’d daunting and difficult to deal with. So to be able to pull the string out – per-se – and deal with what’s in front of them… and then there’s techniques and modalities to go through the limiting belief. You know for me, one of things I was sure of, is that I would be a terrible public speaker.

I would speak in the recovery arena because that’s where I was comfortable. And there was the urgency and I could get out of my head and into my heart because I could directly connect with people. But outside of there, forget about it. That was my limiting belief and it no longer exists.

Berta

And now, just so you guys know, she’s a keynote speaker speaking everywhere in front of all sorts of audiences so, you know… we’re glad you faced that fear and overcame and dealt with it. So, Beth, tell me a little bit about… I’d never heard of timeline therapy.

But I know that you got certified in all these things because they’re all – again – tools in your toolbox to be able to help your clients reach different heights at a much faster rate than any traditional route. What have you seen now that you have this experience behind you as far as the results and the effects of timeline therapy versus something more traditional?

Beth

The results are absolutely (absolutely) amazing. I mean, I spend a lot of time with people, I hear a little bit about what’s going on and NLP (and myself as a practitioner I don’t get stuck with what happened and the problem). We work with the unconscious mind and the unconscious mind is the most motivated, brilliant six-year-old child and it wants to do and find and get anything the conscious mind asks for. It doesn’t process negatives.

So when people are… I’ve had this horrible childhood or I’ve had this terrible event. I don’t want to feel the pain of this, I don’t want to feel this. I don’t want to be in debt. All it hears is “I want pain, I want debt.” And it heads people in that direction.

So I want to really move people towards going forward towards what they want. So the timeline therapy doesn’t take long. It can certainly be done in one session. And people walk out – people feel all kinds of different emotions. They feel lighter, some people are very tearful, they feel calm, they’re able to let go. People have told me they’re able to breathe. They get a new perspective often up on the timeline they definitely have a different view of what happened.

Part of it is for them to really look at what kind of learning they can get from this particular event. Whether it’s something that they first thought, “Oh something happened when I was twelve years old” and they’re up on the timeline and they see that it was something different but what learning did they get? And being able to let go and move forward into the future to now by letting go of all those episodes of fear.

Berta

That’s amazing.

Beth

Or sadness, guilt, all those negative emotions.

Berta

Wow. I love it. And I think I can see what you’re saying because what you’re doing is, instead of refocusing and rehashing what sometimes can take forever, it’s that dedication to move forward. You’re only going back there to find what needs to be… is it that you replace it with a different perspective or maybe it was a lie that they were…

I’m not going to ask you how you reset that but could it be that, like you said, “I was living that lie that I wasn’t a good public speaker.” And then you do something to either face the fear and take charge and prove to yourself that it was really only in your head. Is that sort of what you do with timeline or do you go and find what it was and reset their way of looking at it?

Beth

In timeline therapy you definitely could do the speaker and the limiting belief and then you’re going to go back to when did this limiting belief start. So everything we know in life is such an incredible lesson. So you’re able to look at what you learned from this first event that gave you the limiting belief and then just move forward because it was reinforced multiple times with all this negative impact and to be able to let that go and start fresh. And then there’s other techniques that are available. I mean there’s powerful goal setting.

There’s – if someone is going to speak in public and they have a trigger and they have this negative reaction or they don’t talk or they say something that doesn’t come out right or whatever the case may be – there’s other techniques.

There’s swish patterns and so many other techniques to address it. And then with the negative emotions, you know… when did this come? And then for people to really look at the learning so they have that available to them later if they need it.

Berta

Good. Good. It’s something you just point out to them when they go in there just to be aware of what’s happening?

Beth

Well it’s in the process. It’s a specific process at a certain point during the therapy where I ask them to look for any learnings that they have and their perspective. Often what I find in working with people, people see things through whether it was at a certain age, maybe a very young age, they’re connected to it as maybe a two-year-old. And maybe with hurt or sadness or fear but as an adult there’s always a different perspective.

The problem with many people is they operate with very limited perspectives or maybe even only one perspective. And that’s limited choices. So we’re caging ourselves in with limited choices. So someone’s able to go back now as an adult and that’s often when people say, “Well I realize somebody did the best they could.”

Or, “It really wasn’t about me.” And if they’re able to kind of gather that now as an adult instead of being an adult that still has the viewpoint from the eyes of the child, it’s a completely different experience. And they it’s really to get to that point internally in the spirit of everything is a lesson. It’s all part of the process. What do I gain from knowing this? How do I change how I represent it to myself and to other people in my life?

Berta

And I believe that so much of that – maybe just something that happened, something that someone said, something that was important – to be able to go back there. I have a cousin; she’s the only PhD in the family right now. She grew up thinking that she was stupid. She didn’t even go to college right after [high school] because she never really got good grades.

So she just had this cassette playing all the time just validating… it’s not that she didn’t have dreams and didn’t think she was going to get anywhere. She just didn’t think academically she was intelligent. And one day she started working as a physical therapist and then she decided to get into acupuncture and before you know it she got her doctorate and I’m thinking how did you reprogram whatever was going on in your mind?

She said, “I just did it and I proved that I could do it.” She went back to school after she had kids. She was a single mom and then put herself through school and did all of that but I think that – how much more magical if she would’ve had someone who could have offered a modality that could have taken her right there and snipped that out? Sort of that false belief that was there.

Which is, if I’m hearing your correctly, it’s almost like you have a way of (on top of the passion that I see coming through in what you’re doing and how much belief you have in the results that you’re getting for your clients) so I’m curious (going back to the scenario with my cousin) what about kids that were told they have learning disabilities. Is there a way to reset something like that?

Beth

I mean there are definitely learning strategies that are part of NLP that are absolutely incredible. First, I just want to go back to what you were just sharing and to say that people can always change their perspective. The person I did training with – she’s absolutely incredible – within our training and our group she said something that really stuck with me and I use it quite frequently. When people tell me in a flat out sentence what their limiting belief is like “I can’t do this.” I use her words directly, which are, “When did you make that decision.”

And then people stop like, “Oh… I did make this decision.” And then they look at me and I, again, quote her and say, “Can you make a different decision.” That process for some people changes everything. It’s so much in the language. NLP works in personal empowerment, in the business world, with negotiating, and with learning and education. I’ll go right back to that. And then in therapeutic processes like were talking about; the negative emotions and phobias and things along that line. With the education I’ve done a little bit of work. And mainly with the spelling strategies people process through different representational systems in their mind or in their brain when they’re learning.

Some people will be listening to this and not be able to see the video so I’m going to try to do it without using my hands because I like to. I’ll just give the example of someone who’s having difficulty spelling. So they study their spelling words and then they get into the classroom.

They say the spelling words and they’re blank. They’re having great difficulty and they’re trying to piece it together. So having difficulty in spelling often will result in having difficulty in reading. I’ve worked with a few different kids with this. They’re processing in the wrong area when they’re going to recall.

There’s an area which people go to that’s visual construct and sometimes people use phonics and phonics are fifty to sixty percent effective but it’s not going to secure a strong grade or strong learning process. But people go to the visual construct in their brain where they hear the word and they’re starting from scratch. So now they’re just trying to put it together again.

There’s a part of the brain – it’s in the upper left visual field – and when I test people I’ll be able to test them and see where they go with their eyes to know where they’re going with spelling words. That’s where it lies. Where it’s a visual recall.

They can see it and it’s waiting right there for them. But they process and go somewhere else to get the answer and it’s not going to work. With that, another piece of that, there’s always a kinesthetic that’s attached. That’s a feeling, but more often than not it’s a negative feeling about spelling because they have so much difficulty. So you would see – if I were to test someone out and I asked them about spelling a word – they’re going to the visual construct by watching their eye movements and most often going down to the feeling of feeling bad about it.

Or if I ask, “What do you think about spelling” and they’re, like, looking down the right. With a look on their face that’s hard, that’s difficult. They’re not happy about it… whatever the case may be. So there are strategies that really are very simple and easy to teach parents. I can test someone else in my office and do the strategies and then have parents observe and take notes and teach them. It’s really about learning the words and the visual recall center of the brain. It’s remarkable results. I mean, I’ve had someone with so much difficulty.

What I would do is break up the syllables in different colors and be like, “Read the red, read the blue, read the red, read the blue.” A couple of times, they’re spelling the word, the blue, the red, spell the word, spell it backwards word after word. With that, I can anchor a positive feeling in the kinesthetics so it’s also shifting the anger of not having the negativity about spelling or connected to spelling but something different.

There’s also learning states, so many things that are helpful for children. Many children, I believe, are mislabeled. In one session someone recently that I work with completely changed his ability to spell. His success rate, which was the first word that I had him learn by the way (success), changes everything.

Berta

Right, that’s amazing. You reset even the way he sees himself. Because it may have been based on a perspective that was false. A comment or just a different way of him learning. That’s super interesting. So you’re doing work with children in that arena.

Beth

Yes. Definitely.

Berta

Good. Good. So teachers – I have so many teachers that I know – that struggle with this with their students. And either the parents don’t feel they have anywhere to go or it just sounds like what you’re really doing is empowering the parent to be able to continue to nurture the kid in that learning phase and keep going. Never know where it’s going to go from there.

Beth

Right. And it’s really to evaluate their strategies. And you know the strategy they’re using and if it’s ineffective. And then just to put another piece into that strategy will shift everything. And then to do the anchor will shift how they feel about themselves.

Berta

That’s amazing. I love it. I love it! Beth… so… who is Beth? Because now we know what you do (laughter).

Beth

Well that’s a difficult question. I mean, there are so many pieces to me. I guess I’ll start with… I have a vision for the world. My vision for the world is a world that is conscious, loving, connected, abundant… where everybody gets that they matter. And that’s what I stand for. And then there are different areas or different arenas of my life. I’m extremely passionate about addiction prevention, about helping people that are in active addictions, substance abuse… I’ve been working as a psychiatric nurse practitioner for over twelve years. I’ve been working in the addiction field for seventeen years. And recently left to have my own private practice to focus more on the neurolinguistic programming, the timeline therapy, and hypnotherapy.

I’m an animal-lover. HUGE on animal rescue. Involved with volunteering for a dog rescue. I have a beautiful family. I have so many friends. I’m passionate about shifting this world. You know, I look around and I see a lot of sad people. I see a lot of angry people. I see a lot of things happening and I believe that, even if it’s one person at a time, we can shift that person. I can shift that person, that person can shift me, but together as long as we’re working to help each other, it’s really about learning and being a contribution to society.

Berta

Yeah. And, Beth, you just said something. As you know I’m big on the badass spectrum, right? And I know that you’re at the top of your field as a nurse practitioner. Very well-respected in the industry. Everybody who is anybody knows you. And then you decided to jump off and open your own practice. Tell me a little bit about the balls it takes to do that.

Beth

(Laughter) It was something that I didn’t… I was thinking about at some point I’m going to do all the training for NLP. One day… one day, let’s put it like that, over the rainbow, way far away, I’m going to take the time and do all the training I want to do for NLP and then not even knowing that I’d be able to do the training with timeline therapy and hypnotherapy and I’m gonna take everything I’ve learned so far and add these additional tools, these learnings, and be able to change peoples’ lives. And one day, I realized (more recently), it was time.

A lot of people supported… I have a tremendous tribe of people in my corner that support me and I jumped off and I did the training and it was time to open my own practice to really be out there. To really look around and see what do I get to do today to make a difference?

Any time I make a difference in someone’s life, it’s impacting me ten-fold. All the joy I have and everything that I have that’s internal and the states I’m able to set using NLP in those external things really surround the people I connect with and what I’m able to do for others.

Berta

And would you say that heart and center to be in service is what makes you unique?

Beth

I would say that’s one thing that makes me unique, but I will say because I have a tremendously incredible tribe of people around me that that’s the character of the people that I have in my life. So I’m not unique within that tribe but I think in my practice that makes me unique. What also makes me unique is that I have all these different modalities. I’m looking further ahead to what else I want to learn. What else is available? I want someone to come see me with this specific issue or come to me for coaching where we’ll have a lot of time to work on many things and really get to those powerful goals and be able to make change. I want someone to come into my office and when they leave things are not the same.

It’s not like, “Okay thanks for telling me that story.” Minimizing something somebody’s been through. But attached to it is all the way we’ve viewed it multiple times over the many years. Thank you for telling me that. Let’s catch up and talk about it again next week. It’s let’s just look at something that happened, where do you want to go? What’s holding you back? When you leave, today, there’s gonna be a shift. There’s gonna be a change and also some processes I want you to work on.

Berta

And I think that’s it. Without you thinking, you answered the question. That’s it, Beth. I believe in accountability and I believe that accountability comes from love. And I think the fact that you’re not only telling them but you’re holding them to it because you want to see them succeed. I know coaches that love coaches and love their clients and I tell them, “They’ve been my clients for fifteen years.” And I’m thinking, what are you doing? I coach a lot of coaches. They don’t like when I say, “I don’t want to have to coach you forever. If we work together for a year and we haven’t gotten where we need to go, I’m doing something wrong.”

Now… if you get where you wanted to go and want to go to the next level and you want to keep coaching, that’s one thing. But we can’t keep working on the same thing for fifteen years. So I think a lot of that comes from our commitment to make what we do sustainable. And I think that’s where your uniqueness lies.

 It’s not like, “Okay, you left my office and here are the tools, good luck, and I’ll see you in two weeks.” It’s sort of like holding them to that fire of saying, “Listen, we’re gonna work here, but there’s an expectation from me on your movement forward.” So I love that. I know that that’s really where people get their results. So thank you for sharing that. So tell me a little bit about pet rescue. You said you were volunteering for pet rescue. I know you’re a big puppy person.

Beth

Yeah. I’ve had rescue dogs. I have some rescue cats… I started rescuing cats seven, eight years ago. I’ve had rescue dogs it feels like my whole entire life. But certainly since I was out of college. It’s one of my biggest dreams to open my own dog rescue. And that’s something I definitely have my sights on.

Berta

Good. Good. When is that gonna happen?

(Laughter)

You know I have to ask. I know how passionate you are about that, so…

Beth

Well let’s give it a date. Because this is what it’s all about. March 1st 2021 at 3pm.

Berta

(Snaps) I’m so glad this is being recorded. I love that. But you know, Beth, I’ll tell you… from working with you I know that you are very committed to the specificity of your goals and that’s one of the most important things when we’re goal-setting. And I want to talk to you a little bit about what you mentioned about that powerful goal-setting. Especially as we get into the tail-end of the year. People are looking forward to 2020. Looking forward to a new decade, not just a new year.

But I know how specific you are with your goals. And I don’t know a lot of people that dare to be that bold, to be that specific, but you’re really spot-on with your stuff. So I know that you’re gonna work on it… and you put it out there. You have no problem putting it out there and you want people to hold you accountable. I think that’s where anybody who considers themselves having a strong tribe… that’s what I feel it means when you say you have a strong tribe. People that will hold you accountable and will call you out when you’re slacking. And when you’re not doing what you should be doing.

So because you’re so good at it. Tell me a little bit about what NLP and your coaching does for someone who is maybe now in that precipice of a new year saying, “You know what, I didn’t get anything accomplished that I wanted to this year. It’s time to look into coaching.” Tell me what you do for them.

Beth

Well there are so many things, so it would depend on all the details of exactly what they were bringing and presenting with what they say as their limiting beliefs or their struggles or where they’re stuck. But just as you explained it just there. In NLP there’s something that I have – a tool that I have – for procrastination. And also there’s some hypnotherapy for focus and for people to be empowered to move forward. They’re setting anchors to be energized, to be extremely productive. So there’s all those qualities and I would really look at what do people want? What are those goals?

A: what is your purpose? B: What is your vision? C: What are your goals?

Then how are we going to get there? One thing I love about the goals in NLP too is that everything is as if now. And that is amazing to me. Because as I talked before about having the belief system or the story in my head about public speaking… a while back I was speaking at this fairly big event. I had a lot of anxiety about it. And I started using the different NLP tools.

With my anchors and everything else that I had in my toolbox. But one of the things that was most helpful is I went to the date that it was going to happen… it ended at 9PM. So I said at 9:15 PM on this particular date, what I’m experiencing is I’ve already spoken, people are coming up and saying, “Thank you so much. The information you gave me was so valuable, this was so helpful, thank you for being here.” All this positive feedback.

So every time I wanted to get into that story of, “I’m going to stumble over my words. This is going to be a disaster.” I would be like, wait a minute, it’s 9:15 and this is what’s happening. And wouldn’t you know… when I finished speaking and I was in the moment and right there and it was very powerful – a very powerful experience for me. At 9:15 people were coming up to me and saying, “This was so helpful. I related, thank you so much!” Because I’m working with my unconscious mind. And the picture I wanted my unconscious mind to carry.

 Because that’s where I’m going, because it’s taking me there as that brilliant motivated six-year-old child that it is. This part where the speaking has gone well because I provided value. I was helpful. I was authentic. I could articulate my message, which was so important to me. And sometimes I’m not so great about that. My personality type is analyzer. Not only is it the things that can go wrong. I pull it apart. I don’t know… this that and the other. And then I can get in a funk. Then I’m like, “What am I doing? What skills do I have?”

I can’t transmute and give to other people what I’m not practicing myself. It’s important that I have that quick stop-gap to stay, “Okay, what do I get to think about? What anchor do I get to hit? What do I get to put in place to move forward in a positive way? To be powerful and to get the results that I want?

Berta

And do you feel – and it’s interesting because I read a lot about visualization. I’m a firm believer in visualization and vision boards. I remember reading this story about (I forgot her name) she became Miss America. They’re interviewing her after she won the crown and somebody says, “Weren’t you nervous when you were doing your walk down the [whatever it’s call] and they’re waving [or whatever that is]. And she said, “I’ve done it so many times in my head since I was a little girl that it was as if it was not new to me.

And I always remember that story because on my vision boards (you know my big thing was Africa and I always wanted to do mission trips and go to Africa. And I remember the first time I went to Kenya, we’re travelling from where we were staying near Nairobi into the bush where the Maasai people probably would have taken us 30 minute on a regular road. It took us two hours on a bumpy, bumpy road. And I just see the very symbol of the Maasai and of Kenya is the Acacia trees. And it was a part of a million photos that I had on my vision board. And as we’re going down this road it’s Acacia tree after Acacia tree after Acacia tree. And I thought to myself, you know, I really should be more excited that I’m just traveling and seeing tree after tree. And I realized that I had seen it as a reality – as if now… I love that you said that, I’d never thought of that phrase – for so long that it was not new to me. It was a thrill and it was a blessing for me to actually be there, but I had already experienced it and I kept going back to that story of Miss American and what she was saying. That it was just normal.

So it seems to me that you manifested the result after your speaking engagement and what the people were going to receive from it. Which I love that for you it’s a twist, because it’s coming from a place of service, that you did have the impact you wanted to have and the people were responding accordingly. So, Beth, is that something that you help people with… in your business coaching, for them to be able to really put that tool into practice? As part of their manifesting their success?

Beth

Absolutely. That would be one of the tools. There’s so much to be said and I’m so glad you brought up visualization. People often – things happen and they have a picture of what happens next. And often these triggers trigger pictures that are not positive. You know, it’ll be an unresourceful state. People will feel down or they feel like they’re stuck or they just give up or they walk away or they procrastinate. And in visualization there’s something in – and we call it the swish pattern – where people will have this (I call it the current state) and they have the same trigger.

Something happens then they go to this almost black and white, dim situation where it’s a negative response or an unresourceful space for somebody I worked with recently. When someone puts a certain amount of work on her desk, all of the sudden, in her office, she becomes completely claustrophobic. She looks towards the door but it’s locked in her visual field and she can’t get out.

And this happens again and again and again. And that picture is so clear but she was able to create a picture. Can you get a picture of what you would like to do instead or what you would like to see instead? And if people can get a picture, because here in the unconscious mind, something happens and that’s the picture… it’s the road of that’s the picture and that’s what’s going to occur. And she was able to get this picture and I was able to work with her to change this picture and make it more vivid and more colorful and larger and just how she wanted it to be. And able to switch it out… I mean it’s a whole process that really takes about fifteen minutes.

But to switch it out between the two – the current state and the desired state. Until the desired state is really the only thing they can see. It’s happened with multiple people. I would ask her, what about the current state? She couldn’t see it. So now she’s planted this and already she had called (this was recently, actually end of last week). She called me and said that the same thing happened at work, same exact trigger, one more thing on her desk.

She looked up and she could see clearly to the door and the room was wide. Which is exactly what she wanted in that desired state. Because that was waiting there for her as opposed to the picture that happened every single time with the trigger. So that’s so helpful in business. Whether it’s in a business arena – somebody may be a supervisor.

Or a situation at a board meeting or something comes up where people have the same response or a similar response to a trigger or hurdle that they can’t get over. And then there’s everything in business about negotiating and working with customers.

Everything that’s win-win and build rapport. I love rapport, you know? In the workshop that I did last night we talked a lot about rapport. Really, the communication and being connected with people and to really be on that same line where their unconscious mind says, “They’re just like me.” Or, “They see me.” Or, “They hear me.” And to be able to hold people and be a stand for people in that realm… to be connected. Because we’re always enrolling people in things.

 In business, of course, people have their different products and they want to enroll people to try their different products and it’s never meant to be a manipulation. But across our life… I mean, I know I’m enrolling my son in things that I think are in his best interest or to be motivated for college. My clients… so many of them are dying from drug overdoses. I want to enroll them in a better way of life; A better decision-making process and enroll them in seeing what’s possible so they don’t have to be a statistic.

So I’m always enrolling people. It takes that rapport to be connected in a way where people are more comfortable.

Berta

I can totally see it, Beth. I know that you have that heart for serving people anyway, but I know that you do coaching with family members of people that are either in addiction or in recovery. Can you tell me a little bit about that. Just because I know you have such extensive knowledge in seeing both sides and knowing what works, what doesn’t work from the medical side and from the spiritual side. Can you tell me a little bit about what that kind of coaching looks like?

Beth

Of course. I’ve worked with many family members of substance abusers. And it’s always a difficult situation. There’s so much fear. There are so many things that are happening. People in this day and age… many people have multiple overdoses. There’s some complications of the overdoses. Besides being able to sleep at night and worrying and actually losing any ability to have their own life, it’s overwhelming and it takes over every part. People mortgage their homes to try to get people help. But to work with family members – and I always tell people, “I don’t have a crystal ball. I can’t say exactly what’s going to happen.” But I always tell people – and this is so important – so many more people die from enabling that ever die from tough love.

And it’s really difficult sometimes for people to do the tough love. They always see it as turning their back. In so many cases – including my own recovery – I didn’t hit my bottom. So many addicts don’t hit their bottom until their family hits their bottom first. When people continue to enable, it tells the disease, “Well it’s really not that bad. They’re still here. They’re still helping me. And they said that before and they do it again.” People can really hear it. And every case is different but it’s really about coaching people to have the context for recovery in their home but also what do they want? To work on their own goals and do some of their own healing and to be able to set those appropriate boundaries. To be able to look at what they want out of their life and have that effective, powerful, loving, but not enabling communication with their children. Not to just get lost in the abyss themselves.

Berta

I’ve never heard that before. We always talk about the physiology of what the family can do. And how do you support and how do you show up to a family meeting? But that shifting -- and we’ve dealt with family members who have been in that situation, several of them are no longer here because of the enabling. And it’s not anybody’s fault, but I’m just saying that I can see it as you’re saying it; how much it would have helped to have had that tool and that perspective. Because you really do completely lose yourself. But I’ve never heard anyone talk about really empowering the family to focus on themselves as a way of helping the addict or the one in recovery coming out of… I love that. And it’s all coming from love for yourself. And how do you love anybody else if you don’t love yourself? And that’s a whole other – don’t even get me started.

Beth

A whole other podcast (laughter)

Berta

But I love that, Beth. On top of the genius that you are from an academia standpoint in your career and what you are how dedicated you are to honing your craft, I think there’s this element… if I was going to ask you again what makes you unique, it’s just that you bring so much heart into the equation. And I think that’s where the power is for your clients. And I know that you’ve been through the recovery process yourself. I know that you’re able to see it from both sides. What is the best advice you’ve ever received?

Beth

I’ve received so many pieces of advice. Actually, there’s a couple of things if you don’t mind. One thing that always stuck with me when I first heard it – and it wasn’t really advice but it was a perspective. It was at a time when I was people-pleasing. I was in recovery and still working on my own self-worth to know that I am worthy and my own self-esteem. Someone shared that if you don’t like me, that’s unfortunate. But if I don’t like me that’s unbearable. And that really resonated with me. Because I would be worried what other people thought about me and not really looking about how do I treat Beth? I’m not a value to other people. I’m so passionate about my vision. Every day when I look around like what do I get to do today? Who do I get to help?

There’s so much going on in the world and there’s this urgency about it. If I’m not coming with the energy that I have something positive to say about myself or coming from an energy of I have something to give. Then I’m not serving a purpose. So that definitely was one.

Berta

Very powerful. Holy moly. You have others? You said you had others? But that’s really very powerful, Beth. A lot of times we take for granted what we’re doing. I know that as you progress in your new world – if you want to call it that – just because there’s so much service and there’s so much speaking… and you know I’ve always sort of lugged you into speaking even more because I know the impact that you’re going to have with people out there. I know that you do a lot of work with women and empowering women especially. Because we as women are not good at loving ourselves. As a business coach I know that you see it – and this is just a fact, I’m not making this up – the men in business are very different than a lot of the women in business.

They could be just as qualified as each other but I think for a lot of us women, for whatever reason (I think generationally it will shift, at least that’s my prayer), we get to do it now. Just because we’re in our – whatever we are… in our fifties – we don’t have to just do it the way we’ve always been doing it. And I think the self-love is a big thing. And that validation… that brilliant piece of advice they gave you is sort of like we can’t give what we don’t have. We’ve heard it a million times: we can’t pour from an empty cup. Yet we keep trying to keep running with that engine light on and saying, “You know… we’ll get to it.” Then we just don’t get to it. So I love that you are bringing that message and helping women just by being the example and shining your light to really let them know that we get to reinvent ourselves and we get to stand up for ourselves and we get to walk in our value. Whatever that looks like, we get to do it. But we have to know what it looks like.

I think that’s a big one. So tell me a little bit about your son and… (laughter) this amazing trip you have coming up. Tell me a little bit about your son because you mentioned college and trying to empower him into these college years, which can be so beautiful but challenging for both sides. The parent and the child.

Beth

Yeah. They can be. I am beyond proud of him. He’s unbelievable. I got into recovery two days before he turned one year old. I had this belief that I would be a terrible mother. He would be better of without me. I was able to shift all that and raise him and raise him not only with the different value and different spiritual principles I had in my life, but also in a tribe of people (many of them in recovery). What I love about the recovery community is that there are very few places in this world where people are trying every day to be better people. That’s what’s happening there.

He was raised in that. My only beef probably be that people gave him way too much candy. All he knew was love. Both my parents were substance users. There’s some limitations in the parenting that I knew. My dad was very loving and my mom had a few more issues going on. I learned a lot about parenting also in the realm of recovery. He grew up and was so different than any kid that I knew. He was someone I would be on the phone with my friend. I would be like, “Oh that’s too bad.” And he would be like, “What’s going on?” Worried. And he would be somebody that would give his friends – before it was kind of cool to do so – to give his friends a hug.

He’d be at school… “I’m not going to see you until Monday.” He’d give people a hug. Or in middle school people would call him because they had something going on. They had a death in the family or their parents were maybe getting a divorce. He would say, “I’m going to take on that energy.” Which really wasn’t me. It was all the people in recovery who had given that to me and allowed me to infuse that in him. So I’m so proud of the man he is and the company he keeps. He surrounds himself with people that are pro helping other people. They’re pro-environment. They’re involved in whatever things that they’re into. They’re passionate about. They’re all things that are shifting the universe. I mean, they’re definitely people that have a voice, use their voice, and they take care of each other, they come from kindness. They’re honorable people. So for all that I’m very proud. He and I, for many years, every winter we would take a trip to New York City. It was for when he was in High School. Always presidents’ day weekend because he had a three-day weekend.

But last year with him in college we were able to go before the holidays. And so we’re doing it again and we’re leaving tomorrow morning.

Berta

Good. That’s going to be a great time. Beth… I think what I love most about when you have that dedication to be that parent… either that you always wanted or that you just want to be the best parent that you can be. Our kids challenge us to more. And because of that, they come along for the ride. And I think the way that you describe him – and I know the relationship that you have with him, and I just think that he’s gorgeous inside and out – but I think that’s really a testament to… that was deliberate on your part. That doesn’t happen by accident.

And I think now, on this side of parenthood (because he’s a man, like you said, and he’s in college), what would you tell a new parent now if you could tell them something on what to look forward to or what to look out for? What would you wish you had heard as a new parent?

Beth

One thing I learned, and I think I did hear this or I was just able to observe this… forget the pacifiers that fall on the floor that in the very beginning you’ll wash 20 times but one day you’ll say, “Isn’t there a five second rule?”

(laughter)

Forget all that. It was that energy of, like, my job is to be his cheerleader. For the ups and the downs and no matter what happens my job is to be his cheerleader. And sometimes I could do it and cheer and sometimes I’d be like, “Hold on I’ve got something to say.” But coming from that energy and to know this is all about his growth and his process and the lessons he’ll learn. For his own growth and his soul growth, you know, what he’s doing on earth… everything he learns and passes on to other people but to cheer him on.

Berta

That’s beautiful! I love that! Imagine if all the parents were out there – and I pray that those that are listening will heed your advice – can you imagine what the world would look like if that’s what we were focusing on? Just cheering our kids on, man… and just believing in their dreams and breathing life into their dreams and knowing that they know you’ve got their back. From a place of love… that’s really beautiful.

And, Beth, I know that you’re a reader. What are you reading now? You know I’m a big book person?

Beth

Actually re-reading the Biology of Belief by Bruce Lipton.

Berta

Nice. I actually just re-read that one. That was on my September reading list. That one never gets old. And there’s always something new to learn.

Beth

Yeah. And it really connects me with hypnotherapy because when you go through the book there’s different ways to undo what we’ve done with perception to shift. You know, the DNA in our body. I mean, it’s incredible to look at that and then how we do this stress and fight or flight. Like back in the caveman days, there’s this saber tooth tiger that’s coming. So of course, everything constricts and people get in fight-or-flight. But people, and myself included, doing this day in and day out with just general stressors. And how that just changes everything because it’s how I perceive. Actually it all connects to NLP. But also to really kind of heal that, there’s a lot to be done with hypnotherapy.

Berta

And I love that you’re open to everything that’s coming at you and I think the best of us probably comes from when we’re willing to challenge. You mentioned something earlier, how you know that how can you expect your clients to do it if you’re not even doing it. You know, when you talked a little bit about, hey wait a second I can change this and I can alter the mood here because I can do it like that. Do you feel that coaching and being an NLP practitioner, you’ve had to up your game because now the phrase, “Something to prove,” isn’t what it is. But that you can’t take your clients where you haven’t been before. As an adventure coach, that’s a big one for me. I can’t expect anybody to get out of their comfort zone if I’m over here hiding in mine. I just don’t operate like that because you and I, I think, come from a place of authenticity. Do you feel that, now, in the realm of coaching, you have had to challenge yourself a little bit more than before?

Beth

Yeah. I would say… I feel like I keep saying that, “Absolutely.” It’s so important to me to be able to hold that space for somebody that that’s the context that I’m living in. And I’ve upped my game and it’s changed my life. And to say when I get stuck or I get into a certain thinking if I’m in a scarcity conversation… how did I get here again and what’s the way out? Not just what would I tell someone else to do?

It’s a working knowledge for me so I could just blink and almost get a different picture and just move in that direction. But definitely it’s had me up the game and change everything. And so that’s why working with people has been so helpful for me to. Because in holding that space and seeing the change that other people make… to see people getting the results they want, I’m empowered to be there for that to happen for people; for people to see that shift in their life. I mean, I’ve shifted my life multiple times but I’ve gone into recovery, I’ve gone back to grad school to be a nurse practitioner. I’ve let go of the full time job where I was working as a psychiatric nurse practitioner and changed there. I want people to be able to change and do whatever they want; to chase that dream and follow it. So I have to be blazing that trail.

Berta

Right? And leading by example. And I know that sometimes there’s an element of fear with everything that’s new and everything that we do. What would you say is the greatest fear you’ve ever overcome?

Beth

I would say there are two. One would be the – I was so heavy in my addiction and it wasn’t really about getting high, it was about not feeling. The fear that I couldn’t survive feeling all my emotions. That was the first one. Because it was really about being numb and not feeling and I thought, “I probably don’t deserve to live and the statistics say only so many people live.” I hate those statistics. The other one was public speaking.

Berta

That’s a big one. That’s at the top of the list for the United States. And I think that so many people have an important message and you know me I’m a big believer that the fear here [in your head], and that that’s just how it is and it’ll only exist there until we dare to take a stage and do something about it.

And it’s funny because I hear you speak and it’s almost impossible to imagine that that fear was ever there. And I know that you do a lot of anchoring and you do a lot of… you practice what you preach as far as getting in the right space when you’re coming in before a group but thank you for overcoming that fear because, you know, the world needs to hear what you’re about. So I, for one, am grateful that you dared to go there. I just love when I see you in action.

Beth

Thank you.

Berta

And I know how well-received it is and I know it’s going to be even much more astronomical than it is right now. Beth, is there anything that you think that people don’t really know about you yet?

Beth

I think we covered many things. One thing that many people don’t know unless I tell them that they’re outside that arena is about the recovery and that I was a hardcore IV drug user for many years. I don’t think there’s anything else.

Berta

You’re an open book.

Beth

Pretty much. It doesn’t serve… I can’t stop the stigma. I can’t stand for people not being in complete judgement. Even thought people – whether it’s yourself, your family member, your neighbor, you co-worker – everybody is exposed to substance us and addiction. Yet many people are in such judgement of it. And I can’t really be a stand for that shifting if I don’t tell everybody. Because the hope is in that everything can change… and it certainly can.

Berta

So, Beth, I know you have a workshop coming up. I know yesterday was a full moon and that’s why you had your workshop at your office… which I love your office. People, it’s a beautiful office, if you can get there. Full Moon Transformation is your website. Fullmoonstransformation.com.

For anybody who wasn’t looked yet, you’re in for a real treat. Because what Beth didn’t tell us is that she’s a photographer. She does it as a hobby. I have never seen such amazing pictures of the full moon. I take pictures all the time and I just get a blurry white ball. Not that I play around with the settings and I would know what to do with them. But you just take fabulous pictures. They’re all over her office. That’s an additional treat to get to see.

I know that you have a workshop coming up beginning of January 11 [2020] and I love that you’re doing it at the beginning of the year. Such a big year, 2020 is so clarity and vision focused. It hadn’t even occurred to me and I was in my goal-setting mode like I do on Thanksgiving weekend. You and I had a conversation and you said, “Yeah it’s the beginning of a new decade.” And I said, holy crap… it’s the beginning of a new decade.

That really is, I think for a lot of people, a giant, giant push. So I want to know two things. I want you to tell me a little bit about your workshop. But I also want to know what’s on your list – what are the big things on your list of goals for 2020?

Beth

Okay. The workshop I’m doing with my husband, who does – he’s an incredible public speaker and coach who is an author and a stand for addiction prevention and really shifting things. You know… it’s one thing to shift things when the problem is there but to really work on it before and empower mid-aged children to teenagers. Things are bit different. People process things with their brain and this is kind of back to NLP. They come into unresourceful states and that just exacerbates issues and addiction can be one. I’m doing it with him. It’s going through applying spiritual principles which really shift everything. As a daily practice in so many areas of life it has a major impact. And how we interact with each other, how we treat ourselves, how we open up our eyes and get out of bed in the morning and how we’re looking at the day. And it’s just an amazing practice. And with that I’ll be going over some stuff with NLP, I’ll be doing some anchoring techniques which is great. A way to learn to change your state like that [Beth snaps her fingers]. That quickly.

Berta

And you know I’ll be there. But I just encourage people to look it up. I know you’ll have information on your website as well about the event. So remember fullmoontransformation.com

So tell me about, just before we sign off, the big ones for 2020. Goals.

Beth

Well one of my goals is to continue to expand my business. The more people I can help and be on the journey with, that’s so important for me to shift things. I want to start doing some of the workings of looking at that animal rescue and I also want to develop with my husband a non-profit organization. And he’s going to be doing a tremendous amount of things with addiction prevention and doing a lot of speaking. I’d like to be doing some speaking with him and then doing more public speaking this year than I did last year. Obviously I’ll be doing some things that are for profit, but also to be available to go different places and just to give back. You know, that’s one of the things that really got me more comfortable with public speaking.

Because I would be tortured at how important my vision is to me, yet I would be that self-centered not to share my message. I was afraid that I would mess up or afraid of how I looked. I needed to get over that hump because my vision is so much more important that any story that I tell myself in my head.

Berta

That’s a great way to end this podcast. I think that’s good advice for all of us. Focus on the mission. I think it’s something you find very easy just because you’ve been in a place of service probably most of your life. But for all of us – those of us who were letting the ego get in the way – just focus on the mission. What is your why? What is the bigger picture? What is it that we really need to be focusing on, because it’s not about us.

So, Beth, if you could give your 18-year-old self a piece of advice, what would it be?

Beth

You know that leader you keep looking for? It’s you. I was up to big things but I was always looking for someone to follow that would be the leader. Little did I know that it was me. That I could be the leader and I could produce results and produce things that could benefit other people. And to stop looking for someone else to follow. And to get out there and do it.

Berta

You know what, that sounds like a great title for a book. Hint, hint.

(laughter)

Thank you, Beth!

Beth

Thank you!

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