Welcome to this epic-sode of the dreamers succeed podcast. We have a very special treat for you because we are here with Meg Nocero. She’s an amazing coach, a manifester of dreams, and author. If you don’t know her yet, you’re in for a real treat, like I said. I have the blessing of knowing her, but you’re going to find out all about who she is coming up. Welcome, Meg! I’m so happy that you’re here.
Thank you very much. This great. When you asked me I was like, “Oh my gosh, dreamers succeeding? I want to do more succeeding so I’m going to go hang out with her.”
And you’ve got the succeeding and you’ve got the dreamers side but we’re going to talk a little bit about what comes next. So, Meg, tell me a little bit before we get into some of these amazing stories of yours.
So you want my historical data?
I want the historical. Tell us who you are and why you are.
The who and the why, right? I am a dreamer. That’s probably why we’re here speaking today because the two of us align in that realm. The bigger, the better, you know? And how you take a bite out of life is how you actually enjoy it, so this is actually my year of doing more that makes me happy.
It’s a good thing, because I always label my years with an outset and this is kind of cool that we’re doing this at this time – this is my year to be happy. So I’m not looking to strive for something. Last year was the year of magical thinking. I had a lot of magical thinking because a lot of the struggles and the challenges that I faced last year.
To get over those I needed to think a little differently – like outside the box – which I think is magical thinking. Not being in a lane. Basically, take your hits from your intuition or any inspiration that you grab onto. But this is the year for me to be happy and what that means to me is be with people who lift me up [and] who inspire me. I think a lot of people who are givers in life – they’re around people who will take. So when you’re a giver there’s a lot of takers who show up. Obviously that’s the dynamic – the energy you’re putting out there.
So I think that being around people, that balance comes into revelation for you. So I’m looking for those like-minded individuals who are here to change the way we see the world [and] Maybe collaborate a lot more. Come from a place of what unites us rather than what’s dividing us and I think that essentially is what happiness is all about. When you see something of potential in another person you come together at those points of connection, it makes the experience that much better. So right now that’s my theme.
And my shine event this year in 2020 is Shine Happy which kind of goes along with that theme. I think we’ve had enough of the negative vibration. I think we need more optimism and , maybe cautiously, at the same time a little bold[ness]. So my theme for this year as far as my shine event is “Shine Happy”. And I’m still working on the details of that.
The other things I’m working on, I just finished my memoir this last year so I’ve been pitching it which is very exciting because I’ve always wanted to pitch and see where it would land. And as things unfold, I’m fine-tuning the message which I think is what we all want to do. That goes along with our why. And I think that my why is to step out of my own comfort zone over and over again so that I can inspire other people to realize the beauty of their own dreams as I realized my own.
We were talking about the ask before. I’m not wanting to ask for those things that I don’t want any more. I want to ask intentionally and focus with clarity. Then hopefully the people that I love and are attracted to me in my life will have the unfolding of the same vision that I think everyone talks about. 20/20 vision.
What is it that we want to see in this world, not to sit back and say, “oh, look, they’re doing this – what can I do instead? What resonates or resides with me that I can step out.”
The adventure awaits! That’s what you have on your back wall. It’s very exciting. My resume: I was a 20-year federal prosecutor for the department of homeland security. I was a litigator and immigration prosecution for that much time. It was wonderful but at the same time it was very challenging because you heard a lot of storytelling.
I think that, being a very empathetic and compassionate person, it was hard sometimes to draw a line so that I wouldn’t absorb the pain. I think over time either I felt the significant pain people were presenting or I just thought everyone was a liar because fraud was the biggest thing that they came out with so basically when I left there I could re-evaluate my own guidance at least this internal guidance. That is a great part of my story and the fact that I enjoy telling stories the way I do, it comes from the experience there and the people that I met there and the wonderful judges that I was in front of and the colleagues that were on both sides of the bench.
So that is a part of my story that’s making my why come into more clear vision at this point. Before that I went to Boston college for undergrad and my majors were in languages. I always wanted to break through the barriers between being able to communicate with somebody and not being because they speak another language. I focused on romance languages. I speak Italian, Spanish and I can do some damage with French… sometimes I speak English -- sometimes. I don’t know sometimes things come out of my mouth and I don’t know what the heck I’m talking about. I just took a flight in my mind.
You know, I really found it fascinating that you can pick up the words and the roots of the words and dissect it and really be able to communicate with somebody when you break that barrier, so I had the language background then I did an international security and conflict masters.
I had the worldly background I had more of a knowledge of what’s going in the world. I focused on Latin America it was very fascinating and interesting to see the dynamics there and that played into my law degree and working in immigration -- understanding those different countries.
That was my background which brought me to where I am today. I got certified as a professional coach. Now I’m working with a lot of lawyers who are unhappy with where they are. I can see the bright light at the end of the tunnel -- there is more out there -- you don’t have to drone on and on and on because of the paycheck. You can actually start getting creative around that and transforming your life more aligned with what you came here to do and you know more speaking is in my cards and uhm writing certainly has been a part of my life now for the last ten years, so who knows what’s going to happen with that.
My memoir is “Beautiful Butterfly” and it’s how grief awakened me to the sunrise of my soul’s bliss. I took my title and played it into this whole transformation process. We’re butterflies all the time. [It] reminds me that there are those wings and now you can fly.
At the end of my memoir I spoke on my trip to El Camino de Santiago in Spain where I organized with another colleague, a friend of mine, the people that do the last 111 KM. and it’s so funny because I was not prepared to go on that trip. I love Pablo Coelho. He was the one who inspired me to even think about doing that and he said you can’t really be prepared for the journey you just have to walk it. I just ended up walking it very unprepared [and] in a lot of pain. I have to say I walked at least four days and then I sprained my ankle on the fourth day.
But anyway you can read all about it in my memoir. That’s pretty much the who I am. So far, I’m fine-tuning the why and conversations like this certainly go a long way to help that out.
When you published the magical guide to bliss, the butterfly was just so timely because just as you were leaving this [career]. Listen I’m sure people are listening and hyperventilating thinking, “What, that was your career and you just jumped off?” They haven’t even heard yet that you jumped off and you knew you were going to grow your wings on the way down and you were going to be okay. That takes balls and a lot of people don’t have the balls to do that.
You know, it takes support, too, from people who love you. Yes, it was a huge leap of faith and to leave a career like that killed my ego. But so many doors closed in my face at the end of my tenure there that I was like, “Do I believe enough in myself to move forward or to take this crap?” And it came down to who are they to tell me who I am?
Ultimately, the programs that I even developed from the beginning I was told I was no longer the head of. I was like, “Wait a second here what is going on? Literally?” Being in the government, you have a chain of command and you defer to authority to a certain degree because you have your reputation certainly and you’re hoping that the leaders who are guiding you they have integrity as well as character.
Interestingly enough, if you don’t align with people who you think you’re following, how can you follow them? Then you have to think about , well, is it time for me to follow my own path? You know to lead somebody is a huge responsibility, but when you have the notion -- and I think this comes up a lot in a lot of business or corporations or even in the federal government -- where you just don’t really care about the people who are following you and you’re giving that vibration off if you’re not paying attention… what are you willing to give up to stay there?
I think at that point the paycheck wasn’t as important as my soul, so I think when you have that inner calling – one of my favorite inspirational poets is Mary Oliver, and she wrote a poem called living the conscious life: “pay attention, be astonished, and tell all about it.” Walking numb has some benefits because you can tolerate a lot more… you’re just not paying attention, you’re just like, “Eh, it’s life. It’s not a big deal.” Yes, but that’s not a guarantee in life. For me, when my mother passed away at 67, before she died she said, “Meg, stress is going to kill you. Just don’t have regrets when you’re sitting where I am.” I don’t know how I could live without [her] and then second of all it was like: this is not a joke. We get a once-around at least in this body -- I don’t know if anyone believes about reincarnation. I think those are the graduating steps of enlightenment, but I think when you start to be awake and aware you can’t not pay attention anymore and then instead of being in the suffering, which is optional, then you start to search for those others who are aligned with you.
Those [lives] become more fun, more happy and that’s life. One of the mantras my mother had was live, laugh, love. If you can incorporate live, laugh, love into your life somewhere on a daily basis you’re doing pretty good, I think. That’s where I’m going. I say all the time that I don’t know what tomorrow holds or brings or whatever, but I’m definitely open to the conversations, to the opportunities of life, I guess, at this point.
So Meg, and I know as coaches and as people who have dared to jump off of something that seems so secure -- whatever that fricking means any more -- that taking that step… how much more does that help you as a coach? Because you’re seeing things -- you’re not the average coach -- you’re seeing it way out of the box
Right! So as a coach, I take the person as they are because I can’t expect them to be where I am or where you are. They’re where they are, and if they reach out to me as a guide – I think that’s one of the big misunderstandings in regard to coaching I think you have a even a sports coach they guide and inspire -- so that’s what we’re here to do: guide and inspire based upon their answers and where they are in their life and where they want to go.
I think that that’s the greatest gift you can give to any client or any person for that matter -- what is your intent and then understand that there’s power behind the intentions. As far as I’m concerned, I think a really good coach is someone who’s willing to be vulnerable. They’re willing to be vulnerable with their story and show that desire to help heal the other.
It’s kind of like I have ingredients or seeds that I’ve planted in my life and then now you know after watering them which is essentially coaching and playing with what feels good to me and even what doesn’t, I can say that’s what we’re dealing with, that’s what we’re working with, and for me in my life; where’s it going to move me forward?
I’m not going backwards unless I want to sit in the corner and cry for another hour and reminisce about my pain which happens. There are days which leave me in my closet… I’m there and I’m going to leave myself here for a while. I’m going to cry. I always tell my daughter: sometimes you just need the fifteen minutes, your own personal time out. Sometimes, unfortunately, you do it in front of many people.
The bottom line is that we’re all human and these emotions need to be processed and I think as far as a coach is concerned opening up to say this is the vulnerability of my story; this is what I can offer you as far as a guide…
I think one of the greatest tools or superpowers of being a lawyer, especially a prosecutor all these years is listening. I know it’s funny that I’m talking the whole time, but the bottom line is when you give the space to listen to what the person is saying…
I mean as a prosecutor you’re looking at those pitfalls but I can tell by body language I can read a person. Twenty years doing that they start to cover their mouth and start to lean back like, “Oh god here comes a doozie or they’re going to go off the deep end…
but I think by fine-tuning your tool to listen to the other and give the space for them to play out what they want intentionally and otherwise is an incredible attribute to a coach and if you are good at that then you can go so far. A lot of people nowadays, they want to be heard; they’re competing for the stage. They talk over each other and they don’t hear anything and they just miss the whole conversation when you could have heard a kernel of incredible truth from either side. When you actually sit and listen and offer that space it’s a game-changer and I think that I really gained that skill from being a lawyer.
When I first left, I was so bitter -- I had to take this leap of faith. I’m getting older and whatever, and it’s like thank god I did it now [rather than] wait until I was retirement age. I really would be tired and god only knows what I would look like… my face would be all shriveled up and oh my god the job just settled into it and I’m not a big fan of the wrinkles.
For my own vanity a little ego just jumped out, but the bottom line is had I waited fifteen more years to retire I might be even more bitter but yeah I think that’s one of the gifts of my foundations I have embraced rather than just set apart. I think that’s wisdom and in that wisdom comes… you can’t have that wisdom as a four year old unless you’re like a buddha or something. I don’t ever feign to be a buddha, not like I sit there and meditate for 24/7. I have two kids; that ain’t gonna happen. There’s no meditating in my life outside of the five minutes I get when I walk my dogs in the morning, but the reality is in the reality… that’s where we’re trying to guide people. You can’t, unfortunately, take a vacation from life. They say the greatest thing in life is to do something that you never have to take a vacation. At that point you’re like, this is awesome it’s like I get to do this and on my own.
I hate watches and I’m the worst. It’s like one of those struggles in my life. I remember even when I was writing my book I was always running late with shoes in hand and running out the door. I used to have to be at my job at 7:30 every morning. I mean, 8 o’ clock at night you’d find me ready. I’m productive. Not [at] 7:30 in the morning. So it was counter-intuitive to my actual being but I was able. I did it. When you coach, it’s different; you can make your own schedule… there’s a freedom. Freedom is amazing. Who has that? Like except for the zebras, I guess, I pointed at the picture [pointing to the painting of a zebra on the wall in the DS studio.]
I was still in my title business when I was doing the coaching certification. The mission trip was the one that took me over and said, listen you can’t mission trip and coach and live a freedom lifestyle if you’re stuck in an office for 14 hours a day. I loved doing it but then I realized, holy crap, this exists and this can happen!? I remember one of my mentor coaches… we were talking about the niche and what we wanted to do. Kilimanjaro taught me a lot that people are open when they’re vulnerable; when they’re out in nature when their adrenaline is pumping. I said, “Does adventure coaching exist?” And she said, “What do you care? It exists now. Don’t worry about it.”
I just said I just want to coach people who want to play and jump out of planes. I don’t want to do anything corporate and I’m extremely grateful because she said, “Really… you’re going to leave 28 years of yourself and not bring those to the table? You think that’s going to happen? Never going to happen.”
Because then you struggle with [being] a new coach. She said, “Girl, no. You’re bringing everything to the table.”
So one of the coolest things about you is that you have 28 years of corporate knowledge. I mean… there’s no question that your experienced in that. Why would you ever in a million years set it aside and not embrace it?
Right! That’s what she was saying but I think initially we just don’t want to do it. I love what you’re talking about because the active listening is such a core competency for coaches and the active listening -- the way that you describe it -- is almost like you know god was preparing you to be the guru of all coaches. You talk about having to be practicing active listening in your career. This is just a question because I coach a lot of coaches… how good are you at listening to yourself?
Well that depends on if I want to hear. That’s the key, right? Sometimes it’s very painful to hear the underlying pain of what I’m saying. If I listen to myself… it’s kinda funny because this is how I see life (I’m a huge broadway fan) so if my life was a broadway musical is one thing. I have it on my vision board.
First of all Lin Manuel Miranda would have to give me some rap riffs. There would have to be some ballads. We’ll throw some great composers in there and the great arias. Throw some opera in there, too, mix in all the genres together. At least I would be entertained. I figured if I get through pain I ought to be entertained by it. One of the greatest things is I really get excited about the story. If I ever see something, I’d say, “That’s going to make a great story” [to] some of the crap that happened when I was in El Camino.
I took a wrong turn up the road a mile more than I had to walk for no reason. Let me tell you, that hurt… I just wanted to get there and you know listening to myself or even actually paying attention… it comes to the point where for me every morning I’m trying to get back to this consistently.
I think it’s a really good practice for me. I have a stationary bike downstairs in my building. I live in a condo. They keep trying to move the bike because it’s an old bike from the 90s. This thing works to this day! I’ve written three books on this bike and I protect it as if it’s my tool. What happens is when I ride because I’m such a passionate [person] I’m all over the place. I’m thinking constantly, so I’m not even paying attention. It settles my mind so when I’m writing I can write and channel. I channeled The Magical Guide to Bliss that way. I could hear the words coming from -- I believe it would be my mother -- and the inspiration as I read the different inspirational books that I would pull off the shelf. I’m a huge believer in synchronicity, the Jungian idea that nothing happens as coincidence; everything is happening in divine timing and you’re just paying attention or you’re not. I would do this every day for 30 minutes. It would definitely take a lot of the stress out of my head. My mind could stop and I think that’s what meditation is about. The whole saying a mantra over and over again… it stops your mind from going into that monkey [mind], spiraling out of control craziness. And that’s what it did for me. Then I was able to hear what it is that I wanted and channel what I needed to hear. Sometimes we don’t listen and that’s what I was saying before maybe with regard to you your notion to go to Mount Kilimanjaro: not everybody comes up with that idea, “Oh, let’s go for a walk today.” I can even tell you with regard to when I met you initially it was at your book launch and Ceci invited me it was like wow, you know, it wasn’t like you were a spelunker.
47 year old post-menopausal grandma.
Well certainly you don’t look like a grandma for sure. I just saw someone who [showed what] the possibility could be for me. I think that’s coaching, right? That’s why people come to you. You went on an adventure and maybe they’re yearning for the same. I think that maybe people come to me because they’re stuck in what misery they might have been in. They see the possibility for something different. I always say you know what? Take what you like and leave the rest. If I feel an inspiration hit and I need to share it with you I’ll ask for permission like we’re always supposed to do and if you want to hear it good and if you don’t you don’t.
But I’m a synchronistic girl… I don’t think that anything happens coincidentally and because I do pay attention the stories get better. This is something more experiential. I always tell my kids that they don’t want to… they’re the best teachers because they don’t want anything to do with your BS. They’ll call you out right off. My son keeps saying, “God I’m so much like you!” I’m like, “Aren’t you lucky?” Maybe not now right he doesn’t feel that way but in the future it’ll serve them well.
Speaking of the writing and the way that you settle yourself to be able to do that, I know you have your memoirs coming out. It’s a little different when you’re doing that type of book where you’re speaking from a place of your experiences just raw… what was that like just digging all of that up?
So interestingly enough I wrote part one when I was going through it. This last year I went back and I finished the whole thing and in part two I separated it as like the transformation… the butterfly and how grief awaked me and then the process of going into the cocoon and literally surrendering to that. You step in but you don’t know the pain that’s going to happen in the transformation. Then as you start to come out you see the world a little differently.
When I went back to writing it again I had to go through the pain that I felt when I wrote it for the first time and I have a wonderful the woman in my house who is our kid’s nanny. She’s stayed with us for 17 years now and I love her and I know she’d walk in there and see me bawling and I’m like, “I’m okay just experiencing my mother’s death again.” My heart would just break because I had to go back and edit it again and edit it again and then when I didn’t cry any more I felt the healing start. It was very cathartic and very vulnerable. I can tell you this goes back to what we were speaking about before. I think one of the hardest things in life is to choose what part of your story to share. A lot of the triggers we have to this day are the triggers we had as a child. When I was younger and I didn’t know the world. I figured out I was very magical. I used to create worlds in my room. I wanted to be a fashion designer… I used to sew dresses out of my mother’s sheets.
Now it makes sense because you’re always like on target with everything like you just walked out of Saks.
That is the nicest thing I’ve ever heard. I wouldn’t think that, but I wanted to be a fashion designer. I used to draw pictures of these beautiful dresses and I was like seeing myself in them. I come from an immigrant family. My mother and father are second generation Italians. My grandfather was a congressman in new York in the 60s. A lot of the Italians in New York in the 60s got a bad rap. They were the ugly immigrants at the time. My grandfather would champion all the wonderful qualities of Italians in New York at that time and he became house of representatives. My mother grew up in a time where education was so important. I mean not a time where -- it still is. Education is the freedom. Educere in Latin means to lead out of something. Even at the root of the word, that is the thing that is going to take you to the next level of your life. It’s educating [yourself] every day. It doesn’t matter if you go to school. It’s the discipline of sitting and studying and learning something that makes you very excited and passionate. That was driven into us: you need to get an education. I was one of three girls. There were no boys in my family so my father who is an Italian, he was like, “Oh you know they’re just going to get married.” My mother was like, hell no, these girls are going on to college and on and on and on.
My mother had two masters degrees. Education was really important and we grew up knowing that. My mother’s background in New York and being raised there… she didn’t want to be showy. She didn’t want to draw attention to herself. she was constantly on show and they were campaigning so she hated it and of course everybody has an opinion when you’re out there. She could have been the been the lawyer. My mother was brilliant but she was born at a time when women were not necessarily lawyers. I mean my aunt, the third child in her family, went on to become a lawyer but my mother would go on to become a teacher or a nun. Those were her options. Meanwhile, she was a creative she was an actress and she definitely loved the notion of articulating your words and presentation. But she didn’t encourage us to do something like fashion design. That was [seen as] a hobby. Meanwhile, I was just like, “Hobby have you seen these beautiful [dresses]?” Even looking at the 50s… I love the show the Marvelous Mrs Maisel because the fashion in that show is on point! Whoever it is that did the design: incredible!
Long story short, my creativity back in the day… I was writing all the time, I was drawing all the time, and I was always interested in that area but I was encouraged not to do it. When I want to school, magical people weren’t very welcome. It’s kind of the ones that conform to society. I had glasses, I had braces… in second grade, mind you so the chips weren’t falling well for me. I was constantly made fun of like bullied.
I was just trying to get through the day so nobody would horrify me to the point where I couldn’t even pull myself outside. It was really challenging. I had a lot of that to overcome when I was a kid, so even now when I’m out there we were talking about speaking before all my young triggers… why would I put myself willingly with my story out for the world to critique? Why would I do that?
You know they say you fifty and you don’t give a shit any more? I don’t’ care. You know what, [it’s] my story. I’m going to live it. If it benefits you and you can learn something and can be inspired to do something in your life I’m offering that. It’s an offering. Do not abuse the offering, you know what I mean? It’s a sacred space. But I’m the lawyer too, so I’ve been critiqued as far as my writing my whole life. I’m my worst critic as far as the writing is concerned; constantly editing words. I’m very critical. It’s hard and you’ve got to step away but at the same time it’s a benefit because I’m not putting out poor grammatical statements and sentences.
When you’re talking about my memoir and the whole process, it’s an offering. I promised myself there was nothing like that when I was going through the grieving process… the loss. I read Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. She was wonderful as far as the steps in the grieving process.
I’m fascinated by movies where they’re so good in displaying real human emotion and people putting it out there so that you feel. They always say a good movie is one where, when you leave the movie theater, that’s when the conversation begins. I was always wanting when someone maybe leaves after reading my book then maybe they’ll be like, oh my god what am I going to do next? This is only a once-around we only have a short time on this earth. Who knows what the next day will bring and the next moment? I want to just take as much as I can and live differently, see things differently, so I think that that with me sharing my story… I’m still horrified because you know there’s gonna be critics -- there always are -- but they always say turn them off.
Yeah it’s not about us it’s about what we’re offering.
But you put out your book too with regard to your trip.
And I am not a writer. Thank god for my editor. It’s pure vulnerability, but like you said, you just don’t give a shit [eventually]. I’m writing this book for that one person who just needs to hear this message. Everybody else can just take it or leave it and it’s just not a big deal.
Other than having my children, one of the greatest moments of my life was when my father called me… I respect my dad so much and I always thought that I was never good because he’s a brilliant man. He’s a cardiologist. When he called me and told me with my Magical Guide to Bliss that “This is amazing. I’m so proud of you.” I was still at the office in the federal government at the time and I was just -- like after I hung up -- I wanted to stay in that moment I just wanted to suck the marrow out of the moment. I just cried.
It was the greatest gift that anyone can give me; someone who you love and respect turns around and sees the beauty in you. I try to keep that in mind with my children because there’s so much power in words and words can kill and words can lift. As a writer, the words we offer and the contrast as well as the overcoming I think that’s the greatest gift: to offer words that inspire.
They say there’s so many people in this world who want to write books. They always say when they see that you’ve written a book, they say, oh, I’m writing a book too! The only difference between a published author and one that’s not is that you actually sit down and do the work and finish the damn thing. That takes a lot of discipline and a lot of dedication and you know it too and the process so I commend you too.
Everybody has a story.
And it’s true, right? And the gift is that you find that one person that you changed their life.
That’s what it’s about. You don’t know why you got the messages that you got to deliver. Meg, talk to me a little bit about your kids, because I know that you are super mom and you’re just an amazing cheerleader.
Who are we asking? If you ask my children they will not say that’s true… I’d be getting this flaming.
But I know that they’re extremely confident and just showing up in a place where they know that they’re supported with their dreams.
I mean isn’t that the greatest thing you can do?
It’s just the best! It’s the only thing you can do.
Why did I have kids? I want to go to Disney world with them and show them the world! I want to show them all these things and live it again through their eyes. Through mine it was good, but as an older person living it through my children and seeing how…
We just went to see Gaga this weekend with Oprah and just watching my daughter look… Oprah came very close to us again and she’s like (breathing heavily) oh my god oh my god.
Just that presence of mind for me to see my 11 year old get excited because her greatness is in the presence of another greatness… I saw her texting her friends “OMG” all this stuff. You know, I’m not cool -- I’m reading her texts like uh huh yeah mom is cool yeah I’m good. I was like throwing girl scout gang signs.
Even with my son; he’s such a leader and he is challenged with a lot of his own insecurities. I see a compassionate leader. We need male role models in the future and now and I try to do my best to encourage him and be what my father was for me: be that light to help spark something. It’s harder because I didn’t grow up with boys and most boys in my elementary and middle school experience basically treated me like crap. It’s kind of hard to deal with men on a general scale although I try to hold back my conclusions until someone is able to present who they are to me.
And you’ve been married forever, but let’s not talk about that.
Married forever, yeah! But with my son, I try help him like navigate what he wants and of course you know, “Don’t be a lawyer” comes to him wanting to be a lawyer, so I guess that’s the fruit of that labor. If he goes into that educational path, he’ll be able to use law as a foundation definitely for educating himself and then catapult maybe that into some kind of incredible leadership role which I can definitely see for him. He is a very compassionate person. He’s thoughtful, he is very empathetic -- he can feel people’s pain -- and I think that if I can teach him to navigate that…
I think when you expose yourself you absorb a lot more than you can actually process. You probably are an empathetic person, too, so it’s kind of like this is mine and this is yours and honoring the space of that. At the same time, you’re not taking it in because it’s not yours. This is not yours to carry.
Someone told me when [my daughter] was little, she was very expressive and dramatic. She was like, “You need to channel that fast and soon because that can go into another whole direction.” So she’s interested in theater, which is fabulous because I love Broadway and theatrical drama and music and etc. So does my son as well… there’s definitely music in my house.
She’s more of an introvert, believe it or not, and this is how I knew that I was doing the right thing with what she was doing. She had tried out for Annie back when she was like seven years old and she sang The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow.
I wasn’t loud in there but I was watching her and I saw her whole persona come alive. She came out and she was bawling. I said, “Eva, what’s the matter?” She looked at me and she said, “That was so wonderful!”
Every time I see her perform, I can tell there’s an otherworldliness that’s happening -- ultimately that is kind of why we’re here; we are otherworldly. De Chardin said‘[“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”] That is kind of exciting and also helping them navigate the sad times and you know and that’s okay.
We talked a little bit before and I [was] like why the hell aren’t you speaking everywhere what’s wrong with you? Here’s Eva saying ‘girls, get your shit together because this is where you need to be.’ It’s what you’re saying: we learn so much from them. I love how with each generation there’s just so much more substance that we’re breathing life into these dreams that maybe we have. We’re going to on steroids -- super support what you’re doing so I love that.
Plus you’re going to Kenya with your family soon and god only knows what’s gonna…
That’s going to be exciting.
I’m pushing it for you.
You’ve got a great coaching practice that you’ve built. I know that you’re going to be speaking a lot more this year. Now that we’re in this new bliss of a new decade that just feels so new, I see that there’s a sense of this shift. [People are saying] this is my year. We’re going to do it this 2020. I mean 2019 – whatever… for me it sucked ass. But still it was a lot of lessons, let’s put it that way.
That’s why you need the magical thinking to think outside the box to get to where you are now.
Exactly! so what would you say if you could give just two or three little nuggets you could say to people who are on the fence of what now?
I usually post on Instagram and the picture that came up for me to post was a picture of a burning sage stick. Apparently, sage has antibacterial entities in it so it’s not just like you’re just hippy-dippy love peace love let’s burn my sage!
It actually burns away the bacteria. I put a picture of a burning sage clearing my space on my social media. I said keep 2019 where it is and you embrace the 2020s, the roaring 20s, this fun time of life. Maybe we don’t have prohibition, but at this time I think there’s more of an enlightened mentality like okay what I made it through didn’t kill me. I’m still standing and I’m going to take it into the next decade.
Decades feel so good -- that ten, right? Especially roaring 20s. I think that’s fantastic that we get to experience that again with women being in this place. They say the future is female. I’m not saying that it’s only female -- it’s going to be a conversation of both coming to the table. I think that’s being presented to the world, especially our children.
They’re seeing the world differently than we did so we don’t have to take that baggage with us. History isn’t going to repeat itself if you know what it was, right? So don’t take for granted what’s come to fruition but learn and then move forward with the wisdom.
That’s my sage element… that’s my little plug for sage. If you’re feeling like a symbolic cleansing that you need, that’s a very simple [thing]. You can get it anywhere.
We did that right at midnight on the 31st. The whole house.
That’s amazing, you’re like, ‘don’t miss a spot, man.’
Tommy was like, let’s sage, let’s go to town.
You know what it is? It’s a cleansing. It’s a clearing of the bacteria so that you can walk into something that you can breathe better. I took classes on postmodernism and the whole idea of time being just a semblance of illusionary processes and how the grand government controls society.
Really, it’s illusory. I do like to mark moments in time which I think is very cathartic as well as very empowering. I think that if a word goes [with] 2020, it has to be aligned with empowerment. What exactly that means for each individual person is going to have to be a process of discernment for each person. I think that maybe going a little slower through your day and taking in some of the beauty around you as you do to get the inspiration that you might need if you’re having a crappy day.
If you feel like, “Oh god, more of the same!” Well no it’s not because there are small shifts in perspective. I was watching something about the butterfly effect. I’m taking a certificate of happiness studies right now and one of the things he speaks to is the SPIRE model: spiritual, physical, intellectual, relational, and emotional. It’s a whole holistic process. We’re the sum of our parts and that is what makes us each very unique and beautiful.
So when I speak to that, the wholeness of who you are is everything that you’ve done up until this point. The coolest part about how whole you are is that you can make small changes in the actions that you do based upon the knowledge that you have that will have a ripple effect beyond what you can believe.
You might not be able to see right now but it’s like one of those pointillism pictures: you’re up too close. You need to slow down, step back, and look at the overall picture so that before you take the next best action you actually have done the discernment to clarify what you want rather than what you think you have to do.
I think that comes from a lot of processing and trusting the process certainly is a part of that. You can’t change your life unless you see your life, right? Someone said the other day but it’s true.
I was watching Jane Fonda… I love her, I love what she’s doing right now. She’s back to her roots, man, like after Barbarella where she’s an activist and she’s gonna speak for the world. She is at a point in her life where she said I did my job but she’s not done. She’s out there petitioning for global warming, we have to do something, and you can’t just sit by and wait for someone else to do it. She said she came to a point in her life where you know she was just like I get a choice and a shift in my perspective changed my whole unfolding because remember she was like doing all those videos like…
I did the Jane Fonda steps for years.
Right! Because she was into wellness before wellness was a thing. But even as she went through her own process, she had to forgive the mistakes she made. The wholeness mentality brought her to a point in her life where she could build upon the foundation and catapult herself even further. It’s not done yet until it’s done, so it’s an opportunity. Life’s an opportunity.
Even before [the podcast] I said, “This is an opportunity and I feel like taking it.” For one, I love talking to Berta and I love what her message is and I love what she stands for. On the other spectrum, something wonderful is going to happen! Start with your mindset.
I don’t know if you’re familiar with Abraham Hicks. Ceci turned me onto him (Berta: me too) have you listened to these videos? I listen to them all the time if I ever need like a hit that’ll shift me into something better.I just go to YouTube and I go “Abraham” or “Help me with positive thinking” or something like that just so I can hear something good into my world rather than hear the negative.
Sometimes I get scared… did you hear what happened yesterday? You just get scared and you’re scared for this world and it’s like, okay, well I can’t do anything. I can pray for the people that are giving their greatest sacrifice they’re putting themselves on the line, but what I can do is I can work with my own vibration. I would turn it on and you know it’s a whole idea about consistency.
This morning was consistency and that you take an action and you do something consistent. You become an expert in that so that you can build on that. Even love, the whole idea of being loving to someone or showing kindness… if you do something consistently then when you’re not doing it, it doesn’t feel right anymore. So then you’re like oh this is off this is off and those feelings will guide you back to where you were or where you’re going to be.
You choose to make this shift. Like I said, that’s like the ripple effect, the butterfly effect, the flutter of the wings. This is actually what I would tell people: you become bold enough in your life to make the changes by listening to your own soul as to what they are; aligning with your passions which are your talents that make you feel good and help you come alive. Then by you saying yes to the miracle that is your life that you’ve been given, you’re going to make changes in someone else’s world and you will never know it but by virtue of saying the bold yes to the you and doing the bold asking that align with that then down the road someone might come out of the blue and say because of you this is what I was able to do.
I think that’s really empowering. There is significance to your life. Why would I have even engaged in a transformation process? Why would I do that when if I go as status quo everything is fine it’ll stay the same and I won’t rock the boat and I’ll wait out my time until I can retire? And then what you’re just going to sit on your couch watching tv or maybe I don’t know. They say that the day you retire is the day you have a heart attack. What happened to those ten years before? I know that people have certain options that they’re limited to in many respects but at the same time your choices still are yours. Thank god we are living in a society where we’re able to grab on to that and do something like this, having conversations like this.
One of the things my father said -- it was quoted the other night – was “Don’t pass by the seemingly ordinary because that’s where the sparks of extraordinary lie.” I can see through your eyes so you can show me what you see as extraordinary and I can share that and that’s where the collaboration gets really exciting. 2020, start looking for the extraordinary in the seemingly ordinary. They always say what you’re seeking is seeking you.
So when you get clarity and you get intentional and you ask those questions to yourself I think is what starts the process. Ask yourself questions so that it becomes a very conscious journey. You go back to that idea of living a conscious life, paying attention being astonished telling all about it because story stays with you. You’re the only one who gets to benefit and those people who are in your circle benefit but if you share it on a greater scale, maybe to a friend or to another through your vulnerability…
The other day when Lady Gaga was speaking, she was so incredibly vulnerable with her mental health and wellness journey it was mental hellness for her because what she went through was…
When you free people from the shame and I think shame is very destructive because it withers a person rather than has them come alive and I think that you know each of us are here to come alive really and that’s kind of what we’re all here to do ultimately in our own way.
Absolutely I love that! Meg, how can people find you if they want to work with you, if they want to follow you? Guys, follow her because you want to talk about inspired, always something positive, but always something real too? There’s a lot of positivity in the real because a lot of people out there they’re full of shit and Facebook is full of… you’re looking at this happy couple and you’re like but didn’t you just call me that you’re looking for an attorney? Whatever, I don’t knock it it’s not judgey whatever.
I can’t be the one to say that my marriage is perfect. I always say don’t put me on a pedestal I’ll fall on my ass five seconds later. I’ll be feeling my glory for five seconds in my gorgeous Dior outfit and someone will call out my shit and I’ll be like ‘what?’ So don’t put me up there. Don’t put anyone up there because they will fall faster than they get up there. But I hear what you’re saying and I think the realness is kind of important but it’s something that’s really painful too, you know? So I always say be gentle you don’t know what someone’s going through for sure.
I agree but I think too that you’re not here to pretend that you’re anything other than you are.
Yeah, no, that’s kind of that ship has sailed by me.
That’s why I love to follow you and keep up with everything that you have going on
The same for you, though! That’s the reality: it’s like attracts like. I wouldn’t imagine I would have a conversation other than that as well, so your realness comes through which is very inspiring.
The potty comes out because I don’t know how to be real and careful at the same time. So how do they find you how do they follow you?
So I have a company called Butterflies & Bliss. I have a webpage as well Megnocero.com if you go on there you can contact me through the webpage. Also I’m on all sorts of social media: Facebook, Instagram, Linkedin… all sorts of social media. My information is available on there as well.
I have to tell you: if there’s anything in life that’s exciting, it’s the collaboration and encouraging each other. I have a very good friend and she’s a huge environmentalist she’s so super super sensitive to [it]. She took it from nothing and tried to do it in the department of homeland security. It was welcomed initially and then it wasn’t in this administration, unfortunately, but that’s her passion.
I went to Omega[?] once and I threw the garbage in the right receptacle and the lady goes, “Oh, yes, you need to recycle.” I say, “Yeah, let me tell you, I got my friends voice in my ear all the time. I might not be a champion out in the world vocally like she is and amazing like she is but I’m definitely… I have her voice in my ear.
But the thing is we’re all parts of the whole. In one of the gospels they say you might be the arm, but I need my arm… I need that. You might be the other arm and then the leg we need everybody to engage in a very uplifting, positive way. Don’t sit back and wait for someone else to do it if there’s something that’s calling to you. That’s the call… it’s like the hero’s journey. They say you’re a big Star Wars fan out there. That’s totally based on Campbell’s hero’s journey. The hero gets the call, the hero ignores the call because it’s too hard to take the call; it’s too scary to take the call. Then your whole family blows up so it’s like, oh crap, now I need to pay attention to the call because my life is gone.
Maybe they’ll pay more attention to baby Yoda than they paid to Yoda, Yoda.
Yeah! And then the journey starts and you actually have a story to tell that you’re proud of which is, I think something that everyone yearns for: to be proud of their life and leave a legacy. It doesn’t have to be a legacy like Oprah or Barack Obama or anybody like Lincoln… you don’t have to have that legacy.
You could have done your part and impacted in such a way that your little corner of the world is made better because of you. That is the gift of your life. That’s the miracle of your life: to leave a legacy that you’re proud of. That’s what we’re here as coaches to do: to engage and help others as a guide.
When I wrote The Magical Guide to Bliss, it was like I need a guide to help myself out of the hell that I was in. I basically channeled the guide. I followed the guide and now I have a whole different career. I actually took whatever advice I gave.
They say you give out advice but don’t be willing to give it out unless you take it for yourself. Maybe stop yourself before you say “You should do…” You know… the shoulding? Don’t do that! Be encouragers, that is what we need more of in this world: people to see each other and listen to each other and bring them along.
Especially the ones we see hurting. Don’t ignore them if you can in your little part of the world. pay attention that’s the effects, the little tiny shifts that are going to make 2020 roaring and more fun.
Don’t leave anyone behind. That’s one of the things my colleague told me who came on El Camino with me. He was like, “No woman left behind!” Because it was women we were walking with. We’re going to the end together -- all of us are getting there. Nobody left behind. You know what? We all made it to the end. We made it to the end together. We were bitching and moaning going through it but everybody arrived and then the journey begins.
It’s like the movie: the conversation begins. These are the conversations that begin after the experience because you see differently once you go through something like that when you walk a mountain, see the sky, or see the world from a different point of view. That’s what happens with the caterpillar and the butterfly. When you’re crawling you don’t see the beauty. When you have the wings to fly, you have to show other people what’s up there, what’s possible, so they can come and join you because it definitely is breath-taking
Than you, Meg, for being here. Before you sign off, what would you say is the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?
It has to be what my mother said: stress will kill you, have no regrets. It’s ironic: if she were alive, I would never have done any of what I’ve done in my life. I was content with the conversations with my mother because she fed my soul. We had very powerful thought-provoking conversations of how to see the world and through many different facets – religion, philosophical, theological, on a social stance.
I was very lucky I had that, and when she was gone I think that’s what happened… I broke apart because I was like, “How am I going to get that again?” So I had to be the one to step out of the pain so that I could find what I was looking for – seeking, again, what I had.
And now by virtue of her gift at the end when she did say that to me, I’ve been able to connect with many people and share my mother’s message, ultimately bringing her legacy forward. Each of my sisters and my family… that’s kind of how we live our life and it’s a beautiful thing to share the beauty of your life.
I encourage everyone to venture outside your small circles and outside the box and open to a different conversation, different perspectives, different lifestyles, different everything so that you would benefit and have no regrets when your day has come.
And I bet she’s over [up] there like, “That’s my daughter! Look, that’s my daughter!” I love that. You know what? No pressure, because I know you’re just wrapping up the publishing of the memoirs but you’ve got a hell of a book of conversations with your mother.
The Magical Guide to Bliss was conversations with my mother. I had this issue, open up to a page, and there you go! Well thank you so much! I would be saying thank you so much [to the book] but I think what I’m trying to do now is conversations with extraordinary people. I know your story is told, but I think more people need to hear it and I think that that’s why I’m venturing on this show. I’m blessed to know your life and see your gifts but I think more people need to hear it as well so I think that’s exciting for me, plus I love to talk. I could talk for hours and hours and hours. I’m not one for mincing words.
I love it and that’s why I’m saying the people need to hear you, Meg. The best place to do that is on a stage. I’m sorry and I’m not sorry. I love that you were here I super appreciate you.
Thank you so much this was amazing. Amazing! This energy is awesome you have something amazing here. I totally support this. I know parts of your story but I love that it’s around adventure because for me – everyone will laugh -- even food choices I’m not adventurous. Same places to go eat.
So when I hear people [are] jumping out of planes I get excited. I just actually went to Miraval Spa on my fortieth birthday. I was supposed to do that leap of faith thing before I did my real life leap of faith. God knew I wasn’t ready for that, because the whole part was closed down. I think it was like Entertainment Tonight was there doing a whole round about it. They had the whole thing shut off. We couldn’t do any of those things and I was like, oh, that meant I was going to die. Either a heart attack or just maybe the rope, I don’t know. I was just like, okay, thank you, because I wasn’t really ready. I think you know at certain points in your life once you build up to that point you might be more ready than you were then so I think definitely at fifty I’m definitely more ready than I was at 40 for some more adventure.
But you know what’s cool? You showed up anyway! That’s ballsy. I’m telling you: you can have all the soul-searching and all that you want, but a good pair goes a long way.
I’ll tell you one more story. It’s the greatest thing ever. When my son was four years old, I always said to him you’ve got to face your fears. Maybe this is my other bit of advice for everyone out there right now. I said you’ve got to face your fears because that’s all they are is just fears. False evidence appearing real. If you don’t know what the end is, you don’t know what it is and you don’t know why you’re scared in the first place. So we went to Busch Gardens and one of the [rides was] the chakra [SheiKra] where the thing goes just straight down. I was like, I’m not going on that, I’m not stupid. Years later, I was going to jump off a post with a leap of faith. Ultimately I was building up to something. But my son comes up to me, four years old, and says, ‘Mommy, face your fears.’ I’m like… son of a bitch.
You built that.
I built that! So I was like, fine. I get up there. I was terrified. It’s a straight shot down and it was dark and I was like what the hell am I doing? It went down, but after the initial plunge to my death I just like kind of went with it and it was ultimately fun. Not to think I would do it again because I probably wouldn’t, but I was fine. After, I came back to my son I was like, I’m good, I faced my fears, you can never use that ever against me in your entire life. So I say to everybody: face your fears, because it’s not what you think it is. It’s so much less and you’re giving it too much power over you. If you’re going to change your job, jump! So that’s my last two cents
Good stuff! Yay! Thank you, Meg. Thank you all for listening. Remember to connect with Meg and go out there and do good and be great and go play outside!
ood, be great, go outside and play. Have fun, everyone!